GASLIGHTING. It’s a word that can be hard to understand. Instead of telling you what it is, I will describe how you feel when it’s occurring and what a person does if they are using it.
You will feel confused. You’ll doubt yourself. You’ll sense something is wrong, but you aren’t sure what. You will question your reality, instincts, and memories. You may (or may not) realize you are a different person than you used to be. You didn’t used to have problems making simple decisions or expressing your opinion, but now you can’t do those things. Your self-esteem is so low you can’t remember it being anything other than that. Because of everything I just mentioned, you feel you can’t do anything right and maybe the insults and name-calling are justified. Maybe it is you. Maybe there’s something wrong with YOU.
The person gaslighting you will convince you that you’re being paranoid, overreacting, or your memory is simply bad. When they are confronted with your suspicions they will downplay the event, tell you you’re too sensitive or that you don’t have a sense of humor. They will change the subject or tell you “We’ll talk about it later.” Good gaslighting will have you so confused you won’t remember what you originally wanted to talk about. You will find yourself not remembering details because you can’t make sense out of where the conversation just went. Some common statements are:
“Don’t get upset over something so little.”
“It’s just your imagination.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Why do you always do this?”
“You need help.”
“How can I believe you when your memory is so bad?”
“Why are you always such a downer?”
If you've experienced gaslighting and would like to add to my description, please do so in the comments.
You will feel confused. You’ll doubt yourself. You’ll sense something is wrong, but you aren’t sure what. You will question your reality, instincts, and memories. You may (or may not) realize you are a different person than you used to be. You didn’t used to have problems making simple decisions or expressing your opinion, but now you can’t do those things. Your self-esteem is so low you can’t remember it being anything other than that. Because of everything I just mentioned, you feel you can’t do anything right and maybe the insults and name-calling are justified. Maybe it is you. Maybe there’s something wrong with YOU.
The person gaslighting you will convince you that you’re being paranoid, overreacting, or your memory is simply bad. When they are confronted with your suspicions they will downplay the event, tell you you’re too sensitive or that you don’t have a sense of humor. They will change the subject or tell you “We’ll talk about it later.” Good gaslighting will have you so confused you won’t remember what you originally wanted to talk about. You will find yourself not remembering details because you can’t make sense out of where the conversation just went. Some common statements are:
“Don’t get upset over something so little.”
“It’s just your imagination.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Why do you always do this?”
“You need help.”
“How can I believe you when your memory is so bad?”
“Why are you always such a downer?”
If you've experienced gaslighting and would like to add to my description, please do so in the comments.
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